So, at my wit's end, called my ISP with fantastic customer service to try to combat this issue, and they fixed it by bridging through the crappy modem that they gave me to my dlink router, so even though the modem they gave me is garbage they helped me fix it and the game runs absolutely amazing now; yes it's not the fastest connection ever (10Mbit is the fastest they offer), but i live in a somewhat sparsely populated area and consider myself lucky to have a small ISP around who can compete with the local big boys (Comcast and AT&T)
it's particularly puzzling though because this never happened with any other online game i've played on it, but negating the modem definitely fixed this issue with MWLL on wars
again thanks for all your thoughtful suggestions, but as i'd suspected it was just something on my end