A little, uh, song I came up with after having Gilbert & Sullivan stuck in my head way too long. Obviously, this is a self-parody as much as it is a parody of the song in question. Enjoy (or at least try not to die groaning). These lyrics may not be the final revision, but when I feel I do have a final, I'll sing it, too.
I am the very model of a rabid fan of Battletech
I've information battle armor, aerospace, and omnimech
I know the 'Mechs Unseen, and I quote their builds canonical
From Valkyries to Phoenix Hawks, in weight class categorical
I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical
I understand equations: 2d6 and real-time practical
About balancing the game I can make a whole lot snooze
With long-winded posts on fixing suicide abuse
I'm very good at integrating mechanics conceptual
I know the clan and IS names of Omni 'mechs and vehicles
In short in matters battle armor, aerospace and omnimech
I am the very model of a rabid fan of Battletech
I know the Star League history, Kerensky and the Exodus
I answer obscure questions; I find knowledge quite prestigious
I quote in bold italics all statements which are incorrect
Then drivel on about the facts and universe of Battetech
I can tell unwanted mechanics from Microsoft and 'Mech 4: Mercs'
I know it's not for console and I don't want 'Call of Duty' perks
Then I can write a rant on how that broke a game before
And necro all the posts of such nonsense back to page three-four
Then I can log on IRC and bug devs with inanities
And tell them every detail of a weapon's canon properties
In short, in matters battle armor, aerospace, and omnimech
I am the very model of a rabid fan of Battletech
In fact, when I know that I can safely fight in a good brawl again
When I can shoot my Hawkmoth's light gauss rifle at a Javelin
When you fire LRMs at me and I don't feel like you're a spammer
And when I know you aren't a noob because you spawned the B Warhammer
When I have taught that poptarts should not have near pinpoint gunnery
When I know of more tactics made to work well against camped LT
In short, when I've a smattering of developmental power
You'll say a better fan of Battletech has never won the hour
For my CBT game knowledge, though I'm plucky and too wordy,
Is silly, quite impractical and useless in this century
But still in matters battle armor, aerospace and omnimech
I am the very model of a rabid fan of Battletech
